Kindergarten

I knew when you were a baby that this day would come and that this day would be very hard for me. We debated about schools and what we felt was best for you this year and finally settled last week on the Christian school close to our home. I think we made a good decision, despite it being last minute. You already have a few friends in the class and your teacher seems perfect for you.

I've cried about hundred times already today and it's only 1:00. I even cried in your class as we left. I'm a crier. Actually, I'm crying as I write this :) Its not that I don't think your ready or I'm scared for you, I cry mostly because I'll miss you. Having you home with us is all I've known for almost 6 years and the house feels quiet without you, it feels foreign, like I'm treading new scary waters. I'm just waiting for you to burst out of your room asking to watch something or show me a creation you've made. I feel like I've lost time with a good friend. Its like starting a new life during the day with just Isla and we miss you.

I'm not good with new.

I think about our time at home together for these 6 years and I know I've failed. I've yelled and been angry where I wish I would have loved and shown you more grace. I've chosen the computer over you Liam and I wish hadn't. I'd give anything to rock you just a little longer before I lay you in your crib and kiss that sweet valley between your eyes. But I know you know I love you.

And I know that little by little you must spread your wings and fly no matter how much it hurts my heart. We want you to be independent. And that's exactly what you showed us today. You were so brave with just a tiny bit of scared today. You make friends so quickly. You're going to do amazing Dubby!

And I will be that Mom who cheers on the sidelines too loud, I'm going to come up with some good questions on the way home from school and I'm going to make mean lunches with notes inside even if they're embarrassing.

This feeling, it will come again and again as you grow. My heart will always hurt loving you. But that's ok, that comes with the job description. You're going to soar! I love you.

Love, Mommy